


(I'd Like to Say) Thank U

by angularspeed



Series: Seongjoong Week 2020 [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, M/M, Seongjoong Week 2020, Thank U Seoul moment, i cant tag, inspired by carmans artwork !!, just seonghwa expressing his gratitude towards hongjoong, pls forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angularspeed/pseuds/angularspeed
Summary: More times than not, words that he wanted to say tripped over each other in his throat. But he thought that he found the right moment to say the two words that have been burning in his mind for years.Thank you.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Seongjoong Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746814
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53
Collections: Seongjoong Week 2020





	(I'd Like to Say) Thank U

**Author's Note:**

> hello ! this is my first work in the fandom ^__^ hope it doesn't disappoint !
> 
> i was inspired by [carman's amazing artwork](https://twitter.com/cchaiart/status/1227151700135268353) and decided to write a fic loosely based off of it ! thank you so much for allowing me to do so ;__;
> 
> thank you to the amazing [yudofu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yudofu/pseuds/yudofu) for betaing this ! <3
> 
> with that said, i hope you enjoy reading !  
> 

Seonghwa didn’t know when it all started, didn’t know when words got trapped in his throat. 

Perhaps since debut. Or was it before then? He never knew. 

But he always harbored the persistent feeling of gratitude etched with a little dash of melancholy. 

Why, you ask? Because he never felt enough. 

With every fleeting glance, every hidden wince, every unspoken word, he never felt enough. No matter what he did, the feeling of dissatisfaction lingered within him. No number of nights spent hugging the members to sleep or whispering reassurances into their ears would change that. 

And as Hongjoong headed to the studio to spend the night composing for the millionth time, he could only offer a weak smile and a whispered “Alright.” 

No matter how many hours he spent working himself to the bone, dancing until he lost his breath and the world was spinning, he never felt enough. 

Or rather, was it the feeling of not being able to express his gratitude? 

Either way, despite what he would say about going to the studio every night, Hongjoong would refuse to comply. 

“It’s really alright, hyung,” he said stiffly, hand about to turn the doorknob to Eden’s studio. “I’ll be fine, you don’t need to worry about me.” 

But that didn’t stop him from worrying. Was there any way he could possibly pay him back? Provide the same amount of effort that could compensate for countless lonely nights crouched over a laptop, head spinning, eyes burning? 

And so when he wasn’t able to do his best, back arching in exploding pain as he curled around himself like a bent leaf on stage, the guilt weighed him down, heavy, like two boulders on his shoulders. 

Despite the members’ reassurances — along with a few fits that they threw, demanding that he take better care of himself — the guilt never eased. It laid in the bottom of his stomach, gnawing away at him daily. 

And that’s when he decided he had something to say. He couldn’t possibly let himself wallow even deeper in his puddle of self-guilt, or he would lose himself entirely. 

He thought about it, day and night, night and day, his mind a violent whirlpool of suppressed emotions and feelings. What was it that made him feel so guilty? How could he ease it? 

In his position, he thought, there was not much he could do. There was no way he could grant himself more time in his 24-hour day to practice more, practice harder; neither could he make himself feel like less of a burden to the others. 

But then he realized what he was feeling. 

He was feeling _sorry_. 

While the other members were relaxing, talking with each other, or simply scrolling on their phone in the dorm at 10 o’clock, Hongjoong was busy grabbing a cup of iced americano to last the night. 

And while the other members were sound asleep in the dorm at 2 o’clock, Hongjoong was bent over his laptop, eyes glossing over his music tracks on the screen. 

To be clear, he did not _pity_ him. 

Hongjoong never complained about having to go to the studio almost every night. After all, this was a choice of his own. But that didn’t stop Seonghwa from wishing he could do more. If there was a way he could get back the lost bonding time, he would. 

He then came to an understanding. To ease his heart and to express his feelings, he would have to say something that was hard to say. 

To be honest, if the other members had noticed him practicing what to say, he would have felt embarrassed. What he was saying was not something out of the ordinary, really. He, himself, said it to other people quite often, on the contrary. But somehow, when it came to Hongjoong, the resolve to say the words became lost in a wave of hesitance. 

When he had free time in the dorm to himself, he would mouth the words to the mirror, followed by an involuntary wince. He wondered: What if he screwed up? What if he said the words too quickly or too fast for the other to catch drift of his thoughts? What if he said the words with a strange tone, with an aloof voice, with a hint of a foreign emotion around the edges? 

Yes, they were all silly things to be worried about, but he thought about them anyway. 

He also wondered when the right time to say them was. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to go as far as to hurry to say the words before he retired. 

But at that moment, on stage, surrounded by a sea of glowing lightsticks, waving gently in the distance, it felt _right_. 

He could feel the words on his tongue, yet he was in no rush to say them. It felt _right_. 

His previous gnawing guilt forgotten, he watched as Hongjoong ran down the stage to him. He started to reach a hand around Hongjoong’s back. Hongjoong followed by reaching his around Seonghwa’s shoulder. But after a second thought, Seonghwa withdrew his arm, separating from Hongjoong, and instead held his hand out to him, palm facing up. 

He could see Hongjoong hesitantly placing his hand on top of Seonghwa’s with a fond smile on his face. He waited as Jongho finished his high note before placing the mic near his mouth to sing his line. 

_Thank you._

He pulled down his mic away from his face once he was finished singing while bowing to Hongjoong in one swift movement. He couldn’t see Hongjoong’s face, but he hoped with these two simple words, he could express his gratitude. 

That with these two simple words, he could say _thank you_ to the hardworking leader who never stopped, day or night. 

_Thank you_ to his teammate who always contributed his part and never failed to amaze him. 

_Thank you_ to his best friend who had stuck with Seonghwa through thick or thin. 

So that he could say _thank you_ to Kim Hongjoong, the boy that Seonghwa was in awe of and was honored to be friends with. 

_Thank you._

The words had never tasted so sweet on his tongue before that night. 

**Author's Note:**

> until next time! :]


End file.
